Slipped Away
by SincerelyRainbow
Summary: MxM/RatedTforLanguage/Shonen-ai/Song-Fic/Vaguely AU 'Matt just can't bring Mello back, and it's making it impossible to live his life. But truthfully, he doesn't want to live without Mello anyway. He just wants to cope.' Story better than summary. R


_**A**_**UTHOR'S NOTES: **The original concept behind this story is nothing I miraculously thought up for these two. The original was about two of my original characters. I wrote the original back in 2006, and found it tonight. So I thought I'd turn it into a fanfiction and show you guys. It's supposed to be Matt talking to Mello. So it's kind of like a monologue, with accompanying lyrics. I rewrote it in my new writing style. The old one is kind of crappish in my opinion, but meh. If you want to see the original, just ask me. XD SO, this is an AU fanfiction for obvious reasons. But they're still at Whammy's. Are there rivers in England? OAO So, it might be AU in setting too. XD  
**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Mello or Matt. I own the original characters this was about though. And I don't own Slipped Away. It's one of the only Avril songs I like. ENJOY  


* * *

  
_  
I miss you._

_I miss you so bad._

_I don't forget you._

_Oh, it's so sad._

It's been three months. Damn, three months since that summer came and passed. It's been three months since that day. That day that you slipped away from me. But, Mello, not a day goes by that I don't think about it, about what I did and what I should have done. Because, really, a part of me will always feel like it's my fault.

God, Mello, I still think about you. All the fucking time it seems. And I just keep thinking that if I had held on, held on just a little bit tighter, you would still be here. But I let you slip away.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly._

I'm so sorry, Mello. I'm so sorry that you're gone. That it ended like this. That I let it end like this.

It still haunts me, even to this day. It just happened so fast. One moment, we were jumping rocks across the river. How many times were we told not to do that? Probably more times than I can count. You never really wanted to though. I just always made you. Damn, I was selfish. It really is my fault. But, you went anyway. For me. So we were jumping, and I guess that the currants were just a bit faster than they usually were. Had it been raining the night before? I guess. But you jumped right behind me and lost your footing. I remember grabbing and hearing a splash and holding on to your hand for dear life. But it wasn't enough, and your hand slipped out of my grasp. Before I could blink, you had went under. So just started running, following every bit of the river, waiting. Waiting for that miraculous moment when you would surface, and I could grab you and pull you out of the water. Only it didn't happen that way, and you were gone long before you surfaced.

I remember the fucking rescue team pulling you out of the water. And they tried to pretend to save you. It was bullshit, I knew that. But I still hoped that maybe they were miracle workers, and that they could magically bring you back. Only it didn't happened, and you were gone.

_The Day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found _

_It won't be the same_

God, Whammy's is so different without you here. Everybody's gone all quiet. They won't talk about you, about anything that would remotely remind me of you. Too afraid it'll upset me, I guess. But they still talk, trust me. You can hear their fucking whispers a mile away. When the girls have their little crushes, everybody else will just hush them and talk about how "Matt still loves that Mello kid." And It's true. I do still love you. I will always love you, forever.

Nothing is the same anymore, well, except for a few things. I still sneak out to the park at three in the morning. Just like we used to.

Remember when we used to spin around on the merry-go-round until we felt like puking? Then you made it a contest to see who could walk further without puking? How far did we ever really get? Five feet? No. Wait, you got about fifteen once. But you ran into a tree and busted your nose. I had busted out laughing. Couldn't help myself really. You weren't amused. So you just laid there, sick to your stomach, bleeding, and if I didn't know any better, almost crying. So I ran to your side and tried to make everything better. We joked about how I could be one hell of a super hero.

I'm no hero, Mel. If I was, you'd probably still be here today.

_I never got around to kiss you_

_Goodbye on the hand._

_I wish that I could see you again_

_I know that I can't._

I remember when they finally pulled your lifeless body out of the water. My stomach literally sank, taking my heart with it. And I was beyond the point of crying. I was hysterical. I remember running, just trying to get to you. But these two policemen held me back. And I punched at their chests and threw myself around, anything to get to you. I wanted to get to you. And I tried. I tried so hard, but it was too late. They tossed that white sheet over your body, and just like that, it was over.

I'd fucking kill to see you again, you know? I swear I would. But it wouldn't do any good. I'm stuck here until I die. I won't kill myself because if by some chance you're right, suicide is a ticket to hell. Then I'd never get to see you. So just wait for me, and we'll be in Heaven together, right? Right. I know it.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly._

I didn't even get to tell you any of this before now. There was no hospital visit, no waiting for a miracle. Nothing. You were pronounced dead at the scene. But I had expected that. You had been underwater way too long, and no matter how many times you beat the kids in breath-holding contests, I just couldn't get that lucky.

God, Mello, it's my fault. I shouldn't have let go of your hand. I should have been stronger. I should have held on tighter. I shouldn't have let you go. It wasn't on purpose. You slipped. The water was too slippery, the currant too strong. It was an accident. Yeah, that's what I tell myself. That's what I told everybody. But I still feel like it's all my fault. Everybody tells me it's not, but it is. I let go of your hand. I let you go under. I didn't dive in like I should have, and I didn't save you. I'm sorry, Mel. So fucking sorry.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found _

_It won't be the same._

Nobody wants me to think about you. They tell me it's time to move on. Everybody else seems to have. They still play soccer, still sneak into the movie theater and still sneak out of the house. And they always want me to come along, but then they change their minds. It would remind me of you, they tell themselves.

But I don't want to move on. I want to think about you. I'll never stop thinking about you.

_I've had my wake up_

_Won't you wake up_

_I keep asking why_

Why'd you have to go and die, Mello? Why did you leave me here? Leave me here totally and utterly alone. I can't even kid myself that you would come back. You said you'd leave one day, but this wasn't what I thought you meant! At least if you left, you would come back for me. Now you're never coming back. I keep having these fucked up dreams that it was all a lie. And I wake up expecting to see you, but you're never there! It's nothing but false hope!

_I can't take it_

_It wasn't fake_

_It happened_

_You passed by_

It's driving me crazy, Mel. I still can't believe it. No, I don't want to believe. It happened way too fast. One slip, and you were gone. And I was clinging to you and a rock, and I was trying to save you. But you lost your grip and you went under. God, Mel, why did you have to go under?

_Now you are gone, now you are gone  
There you go, there you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back  
Now you are gone, now you are gone  
There you go, there you go,  
Somewhere you're not coming back_

I still hate myself for that day. Hate myself for letting go. Hate myself for making you go down to the river with me in the first place. I mean, sure, it was an accident. But I could have done more. I could have held on longer. I could have saved you.

But I didn't. And you slipped, and now you're gone. And you're not coming back, and I can't bring you back. And I hate it. God, I miss you.

_The day you slipped away  
Was the day i found it won't be the same  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day that i found it won't be the same_

Mello, wherever you are, I hope you hear this. And I hope you've realized how sorry I am, and I hope you realize how much I love you. And how much I would be willing to die to see you again.

But I know one day, I will see you again, and we will be together again. And I swear, Mello, I'll never let you slip away again.


End file.
